Ok so it's been a week.
I've done everything I can think of to flush out this character. Interviews, character sketches, pictures, and personal history. I know this woman very well now… and yet it's almost like I'm scared to start writing again.
This is chapter 9. The last chapter before I have to kill her off. I'm nervous. I guess it should be a good thing, I wanted to like her, but I don't think this is from a new emotional attachment.
I've hit a wall. A wall so big it's taking me a really long time to get around it. It started with realizing that I wasn't attached to my character. Then it was trying to find points in my writing groups critique's where they didn't like her, but I couldn't find any, because the focus from most of them was on my grammar and syntax. Then I had to go and open my big mouth. Now, things are resolved and I still can't write. I keep looking for spelling mistakes, or grammar errors. I thought I was doing ok, that some of the comments didn't get to me, but I think they did. I'm having a hard time getting back into writing because I know all the little things suck.
Since I was in the fourth grade I've known my spelling and grammar sucked. It hasn't changed much since then. My brain is just not wired that way. And when I write "past" instead of "passed", I'm not dumb. I do know the difference. It's just my brain trying to find the shorter word that sounds the same to fill in the gap, so I can keep writing. Now, I keep looking for the little things like that. Its frustrating, and it's keeping me from writing.
I want to write, but I'm sure what to do. Now that I know everyone and their dog hates my spelling and grammar, I can't get past it. I make sure I've got the right "there", I double check my spelling of "barely" instead of writing "barley". This isn't how my creative process works. I've never cared about the little things until the end of my writing, once the piece was done, NOW I can't think of anything but the little things.
I told one of the ladies in my group that I was fine. That I didn't take this whole grammar, spelling, crap to heart. I guess I was wrong. I hope I can find a way out of this mind set, and get writing again, get into my creative zone, because right now… I can't write at all.
Dust
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Dust, I'll be calling you after work, but here's my spiel now. You said in your blog two days before this that you found a way to stay interested in your writing -- go back to that place. Forget the grammar. In fact, don't even worry about you not being emotionally attached to the character you're about to kill off. Just get the next chapter down. You can always fix it later. that's the great thing about this. It can be played with until it's perfect. LATER.
If you're fixating on grammar right now, say "All right, my grammar sucks, thanks for the input," and write the next chapter. You're dealing with your own personal committee of assholes right now -- and they are the hardest to beat. When you find you're wasting time trying to figure out if you spelled words right or whatever, get back to the story. That's all this is. Just getting past yourself, and writing the story.
Hey can I use a bit of my own advice? I'm all gummed up too. Have decided I can't figure out how to use semi colons, and am using that as an excuse not to write anything new. (Sounds pretty pathetic, doesnt it? Feels horrible when I'm sitting there, staring at a sentence, and knowing I'm doing something wrong, but can't figure out what it is!)
Can we blame the weather (it's easy to blame the weather in Edmonton in October), and make a pact that we'll each write 2500 new words a day, and who gives a crap whether it's good or not?
Cause that's the point. First draft is hardly ever good. But you are getting your story down in the first draft, and that's the important part.
I'll touch base with other people i know who could know how to get past a block, and if I find anything good, I'll get back to you.
In the meantime, ignore your committee. They are there to stop you. Don't let them. I'm dying to find out the rest of the story. I'm betting you are too.
Hey and when I told you that I wandered around sobbing for three days before I could kill off a main character -- I was rewriting. I didn't even kill him in the first draft! I realized in the second (or maybe third) draft, that I needed more drama. I never even thought about it in the first draft, and I should have remembered that, and told you! I'm sorry now that I didn't. You can't think of everything -- so get the story down.
Anyhow, will talk to you tonight. Think about my offer. 2500 words isn't many, and it might just get you (and me) past this bump. And that's all it is right now Just a bump. Unless we let it get to be something bigger. You know, like making a mountain out of a molehill? Because molehills like grammar (or just semi colons) can look huge if you get too close. We both have to back up, look at the big picture, kick the crap outta the molehill, and keep writing.
Know what I mean?
Hey, I'm a stranger. I found your page through Eileen's...because I was procrastinating. I'm throwing my two cents in here because your problem (grammar and spelling) is also a problem of mine. Now, I found that once these problems were shown to me, they were staring at me -- and wouldn't let me get back to writing.
I wish I could tell you the silver bullet that got me past this awful stage. The only thing I can say is that I'm now treating grammar and spelling as editing problems, not writing problems. Still took a while, but I finally got past it and could get back into writing...
I shared some time in Banff with Eileen at Writing with Style where Rob Sawyer hammered...errr, instructed us.
For my problem (grammar and structure) Rob recommended two books. The first is Elements of Style. The second is Make Your Words Work by Provost.
Elements of Style is the basics of the language outlined in several easy to follow rules. Nothing new but will give you a bit of a refresher. But Make Your Words Work is all about how to write. It's a great book...very insightful.
As for editing...Rob had some great advice. He told me to edit backwards so that you don't get caught up in your story. So instead of editing from top of the page down, start at the last line and work your way up. Works great.
Of course, all this coming from someone you don't know...so take it for what you will!
Post a Comment