So my grammar sucks....

Ok so it's been a week.

I've done everything I can think of to flush out this character. Interviews, character sketches, pictures, and personal history. I know this woman very well now… and yet it's almost like I'm scared to start writing again.

This is chapter 9. The last chapter before I have to kill her off. I'm nervous. I guess it should be a good thing, I wanted to like her, but I don't think this is from a new emotional attachment.

I've hit a wall. A wall so big it's taking me a really long time to get around it. It started with realizing that I wasn't attached to my character. Then it was trying to find points in my writing groups critique's where they didn't like her, but I couldn't find any, because the focus from most of them was on my grammar and syntax. Then I had to go and open my big mouth. Now, things are resolved and I still can't write. I keep looking for spelling mistakes, or grammar errors. I thought I was doing ok, that some of the comments didn't get to me, but I think they did. I'm having a hard time getting back into writing because I know all the little things suck.

Since I was in the fourth grade I've known my spelling and grammar sucked. It hasn't changed much since then. My brain is just not wired that way. And when I write "past" instead of "passed", I'm not dumb. I do know the difference. It's just my brain trying to find the shorter word that sounds the same to fill in the gap, so I can keep writing. Now, I keep looking for the little things like that. Its frustrating, and it's keeping me from writing.

I want to write, but I'm sure what to do. Now that I know everyone and their dog hates my spelling and grammar, I can't get past it. I make sure I've got the right "there", I double check my spelling of "barely" instead of writing "barley". This isn't how my creative process works. I've never cared about the little things until the end of my writing, once the piece was done, NOW I can't think of anything but the little things.

I told one of the ladies in my group that I was fine. That I didn't take this whole grammar, spelling, crap to heart. I guess I was wrong. I hope I can find a way out of this mind set, and get writing again, get into my creative zone, because right now… I can't write at all.

Dust

My character

So I was playing around with a doll creator.

Here is my attempt at my main character with only two arms, (she has four in my novel). Also in my novel she has darker skin... think a nice Island suntan.



I can't do this with the rest of my characters unfortunately, but hey at least it's an attempt.

Dust

Emotionally Involved

So much for my roll.

I knew something was wrong with it… I just couldn't figure out what.

All throughout chapter 7 I was thinking that something was wrong with it… I couldn’t put my finger on it though.

Then I went to my writing group meeting. They didn't find it either but what they did find pointed it out to me. I'm not emotionally connected to one of my characters, "S". I intentionally didn't let myself get close to her because I knew that I would have to kill her off eventually.

How do you let yourself get attached to someone, even if you know that you have to be cruel in the method of their death?

My reader doesn’t fall in love with "S" the way I hoped they would. I need them to love her… it's very important to the story. But the reader can't love her if I don't. Every reader who has read this chapter doesn’t really think twice about her. She's whatever. Blah. Annoying. Not noticable.

In fact, people who read this chapter, like a very minor character who shows up for less than 3 pages, more than they like her. "S" is a main character.

I've been protecting myself from getting hurt when I kill her. I don't want to be upset, but I have to be if I want my reader to be as well.

This is so annoying, but I know I have to figure it out. I may have to go through and give her a personality overhaul.

(Sigh) The joys of writing!

Dust

I'm on a Roll

(knock on wood)

I'm on a roll. I finished off chapter 8 and now I'm on Chapter 9. I know this might sound silly but, "Wow! I made it to chapter 9."

Chapter 5 was my last big stepping stone. I'd never made it to a Chapter 5 in anything I've written for myself... I mean sure when I was in Jr. High my English teacher convinced me to write a novella for her (I still have a copy of it somewhere). It had 10 Chapters, but this is my first non-rushed attempt. That novella could have been a full length novel, but I had to cut out a lot because I wanted it to be done by the end of the school year.

I guess the reason 9 is making me so happy is because after 10, I know I've done it. I've really put butt to seat, fingers to keyboard and written something... weather it's any good we'll find out eventually. But seeing as how this is my first baby, 1st project of note, it's exciting to know I've put in the effort, and it's starting to show.

Now, I should stop blabbing in my blog. I've found a process that keeps me interested in what I'm writing while I'm writing it (which is kind of important) and if you notice, I've written a Chapter in two days. Holly crap-olla. This could get very interesting. It may have only been a fluke, just something that worked with Chapter 8 (it is a short chapter), but you never know.

Till' the next chapter,

Dust

I'm Connected!

Hurray!!!!

I'm connected to the internet. This is my first entry from home.

What to write about?

Well, I'm about halfway through chapter 8. Going along quite nicely. I hit a wall on Thursday night. It was about half way into the hockey, thus I was home alone, since my boyfriend had gone to watch the game. Anyway, I just didn't know what to do. To go this way or that way with the organization of this chapter. So I called up a friend of mine in Ontario and I sat and talked with him for about half and hour. Just talking it out helped, and I ended up writing until about midnight that night. I think I wrote a total of 9 pages, 4 scenes. It may not sound like a lot. Most people can read through 9 pages in about 30 minutes, maybe less. But it takes a lot longer to write. I wrote 9 pages from 9pm to midnight.

As far as my goal is concerned, I think I’m a little behind. It's been about 20 days since I made my goal so I should be at 40 pages. I'm only at 25. Oh well. That's what happens when you spend a week not being able to move because of stomach pains. If I take out that whole week, that leaves me with 14 days, and a goal of 28 pages. I'm closer to that. Regardless I plan on making my goal. I have to add 12 days to my finishing date because I'm adding two more chapters here, but I will be done before Christmas. That'll be my present to myself.

Well I think that’s it for today. If I want to reach my goal I should get to writing my novel, not just updating the world on my progress.

Have a good one,

Dust

Update

Thanks for the concern anonymous.

Made it to Tuesday alright after all. The doc's just seem to have overestimated to relief factor of their medication. It didn't kick in until Saturday night. It wasn't a wonderful bliss of no pain, but it was less. And gradually it started going away.

I've also cut everything remotely good to eat out of my diet. Sucks but if it'll make my stomach better than I'll deal with it. No tomato based products, No spices, Nothing heavily seasoned, No fats (sweets or desserts), No carbonated drinks, No alcohol (not that I was a heavy drinker before), No Advil, No raw veggie's, Very little dairy, and No Buttered Popcorn (that one hurts).

Today I can say my stomach is better. The pain is barely there, sort of like a sore mussel that’s almost healed. I hope my stomach is almost healed. Doc's said it would take about two weeks, but he also said the pill he gave me should have me feeling relief anywhere between 4 hours to a day at most. It took four days! I think I'll stay on this god-awful diet for at least three weeks, just to be on the safe side.

Now for the good stuff:

I can write again. I'm almost finished Chapter 7, two more scenes left. Actually, Chapter 7 will become chapter 7, 8 and 9 so I just added two chapters to my overall length. Not a bad thing, it was looking a little short anyway.

And we're getting the internet on Saturday. We bought a computer last Saturday and it's pretty cool. Once we get the internet hooked up, it'll be smooth sailing.

And I'm back at MY office again. I can't tell you how awesome it is to be back. Everyone was happy to see me. Everyone here smiles. And I can walk up to anyone and talk to them. It's so much better here.

All in all, It's a good day (despite the weather; It's cold here). Hope you're having a good one too.

Dust

Bad things

So I'm now under the impression that bad things happen to good people.

My stomach pain has become a real problem.

It's hard to move around, walk, stand, lift. It's like the movement jars my stomach into spasms. Here's the worst part. It's getting so I can't even sit straight up without being in a lot of pain.

Fetal position seems to bring it back down to minimum, but that's not going to happen at work... there's the problem.

I can't even work with this pain. I've had pain before and managed to work through it, but this... I think I'm going to check myself back into the emergency. (What? you ask, When did this happen?)

Tuesday night. The pain got to be really bad. Even then 5 people had to talk me into going before I would. I don't like doctors. So it was a relatively short stint in the hospital. Out by midnight. They took some blood, ran some tests, made me drink this awful but effective milk stuff that froze my stomach. I had 4 whole minutes without pain before the freezing wore off. By the end of it, they gave me a little pill that was suppose to cut off the acid production in my stomach, and I was suppose to cut out anything in my diet that might cause acidity.

Did that, it didn't help. Took the pill, and the pain is getting worse. So what now?

I haven't decided yet, possibly check myself back into emergency and see what the doctors have to say, possibly not, although my boyfriend is already insisting that I go. I'll figure something out.

I think besides the fact that I can't work with this pain, the worst thing is that it's hard to sit at a computer and write. I'm getting to a good part in my novel (to an author every part is a good part). I want to keep writing, but every time I sit down in front of the computer, I get these awful shooting pains across my stomach. It happens at work and at home. I think I'm in a bit of a pickle here...

Is this thing rendering my an invalid... I hope not, cause that would really suck.

Well, It's my last day here at this office, I'm suppose to go back to my own on Tuesday. Lets see if I make it there.

Cheers,

Dust