Ahhh Crap!

Chapter Ten = Pain in my behind!

I got to the point were "S" is Dead... Yes dead, she died before my main character could get to "S", so she just has to deal with the whole death thing... and that's turning out to be a lot harder than I thought.

Turns out this scene is more about her coming to realize what real life (and death) is like, and she freaks... much the way I did at my grandma's funeral.

My grandma died in March. I saw her in the hospital when she was still lucid, but she was in a comma for a few days before she finally went. The funeral was the hard part. Open coffin. The body lying there just didn't look like the lady who had been such a large part of my childhood. Practically raised me. I made the mistake of touching her hand, as if to prove she wasn't really there. I've never completely emotionally collapsed like that before. It was like a whole new world full of pain crashed down on me, crushing everything else out of my life.

I curled up and cried so hard right there in front of her coffin. It was a good 15 minutes before I could just stand up and take a descent breath, and another 15 before I stopped balling, and was just down to tears. For anyone who knows me... That's more crying then I've done in a whole lot of years.

I think that's why its so hard. I almost started crying today, not at the scene but because of the memories I was digging up to write it.

I couldn't do it today. I plotted out exactly how I want the scene to look like, and I know how to start the next, but I couldn't write it today. I'll try for tomorrow, but if I can't I'm going to skip it and move on to the next bit. My main character will just have to deal with "S" being dead later on.

Who knew this writing thing could get so personal? :)

Dust